


A Journey for Life

by JanustheGod



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, F/M, Gen, Implied Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, POV Brienne of Tarth, POV Jaime Lannister
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2019-11-01 23:54:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17877191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanustheGod/pseuds/JanustheGod
Summary: "He hated her as the thought came to his mind. Every man in this camp raping her in a queue like they are having their bread from common bakery. It was just a little joy of a moment to them. He hated her again. He was looking at her, not blinking while he thinks all about what will happen to her now. He hated her for making him worry about her. "** It's mostly based on TV Series.**





	1. Sympathy

**Author's Note:**

> The story starts the very known Season 3 episode of the sword fight between Jaime and Brienne on the bridge.  
> As their journey continues we will be hearing what they think behind those actions. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Please,please and please,  
> leave a comment if you disagree or have an opinion about anything that I write, I'll be more than glad to read your comments.

They were traveling at a low pace. Brienne was not happy about it and the constant mumbling sound coming from Jaime throughout their whole journey to King's Landing. She threw a few angry glances to his side to shut his mouth but he kept on talking to himself. He never missed a chance to make her angry at any time possible. That was the only way for him to survive this whole big journey he has been forced to by Catelyn Stark. Brienne looked at him again, this time piercing with her icy eyes. Her face ruffled and turned red. 

"Stop it!" 

"What?" He said as he did nothing. 

"Stop talking! Stop it!" She said tightening the rope that held him from escaping. He stumbled but didn't fall. 

"Then let's make a deal." He said grinning playfully. Brienne took two or three steps to threaten him better.

"I do not do  **games**." 

"What about swords?" He asked while seizing his opponent at the same time. She caught his way of looking at her and stepped back. She clenched her jaw and took out her sword from its case.

"What if I lose?" She asked unexpected of herself. Jaime laughed and took a step closer to her. 

"You'll  _die._ " He said pleasantly. Brienne gulped out of reflex and cleaned her throat. 

"If I win, you will do what I say. As a proper  _slave_  would do. " She was confident. Jaime's mind went somewhere dark and he looked at the ground in much more pleased mood. He licked his lips and looked at her.

"Okay. Deal." He said with his chevalier voice. Brienne nodded and extended her hand to seal the deal with him. Jaime pointed at the ropes keeping him unable to move even a finger comfortably. Then Brienne tilted her head and smiled.

"Oh I got your point,  _Kingslayer_." as she said this she also put her sword back into its case. Jaime was watching every action of hers to find a moment to run away and kill this beast. But he was not fully wanting to kill her to be exact. If he didn't he was sure he will be killed. Cause he has never seen someone fighting like her -actually he has not seen her fighting except the Stark men they encountered on the road- and most importantly protecting him as she did. Not the guards in King's Landing even if you paid them enough. As he thought she understood his motives, she was not a dumb bitch after all, but she did not do anything. She stood there, still holding the hilt of her sword. Her other sword was behind her, hanging on her waist. Jaime was looking at it time to time. He wondered why a knight carry two swords after all and he is sure to find out.

"What are you looking at?" She said demanding. He turned his eyes to her again and felt something flaming in him. If he teased her then he could really set himself free. He gave that prick smile at her and she became annoyed immediately. 

"I bet you are afraid that I could _actually_ kill you. Is that why you couldn't protect Renly in-"

"Shut up Kingslayer!" She hissed. 

"Oh but facts always speak for themselves Brienne the Beauty. How does it feel to be someone you are not and pretending to be a son to your beloved father?"

Her temper could be sensed even you were far from her. Her body became straight but threatening, her hand on her sword was ready to slaughter anyone who might come on her way. Jaime amused himself with the thought of these.

"Okay okay. I won't kill you. We can make another deal if you wish _my Brienne._ " 

She kept holding onto the rope and then pulled it harsh. Jaime fell onto the stoned ground and his face hit it so hard that she heard the sound of his jaw meeting the ground. He tried to stand up and did in a few seconds. He became angry as she made her become. He took a few more steps to her and there was just a thin line needed to be crossed. 

"You are _a coward._ " He hissed and spit the blood came out of his mouth as he said the last word. His words made her mind spin and she could feel the rage coming from her belly to her head. In the fastest movement she took her sword and cut the rope that held him and threw a sword at his side. He grinned and concentrated on her and then seized the sword in his hands. They both took a few steps back and started to circle around each other. They both seized each other. Jaime was really amused of what he achieved and Brienne was committed to attack him. Jaime felt an urge to strike first. He turned his back to Brienne and turned back at her rapidly as she reacted with a fling of her sword. He was mocking with her. 

"You move well..." They were turning their swords over and over in their hands.

"...for a great beast of a woman." he says and then attacks her. She attacks back and the clash their swords three times then he steps back again. Seizing her with his words.

"You shouldn't grimace before you lunge. It gives away the game." He says and lunges forward but she strikes first. They start to clash their swords fast and brief. Jaime makes Brienne regress and then Brienne does the same to him. She makes loud sound as she strikes and he uses his full strength on her with his sword. He responses every movement of Brienne's sword at the right time and when she throws her elbow back to get a better weight on her sword he strikes but she manages to respond to his move. She can't strike and Jaime goes below her sword as she now stands where Jaime stood. She turnes to Jaime and Jaime is ready to fight back. She uses her other hand to balance her weight on sword and for her defense. Then he speaks again.

"Bit of a quandary for you. If you kill me, you'll fail Lady Stark. But if you don't kill me,  _I'm going to kill you._ " He lunges again and their swords clash through the wind. His third strike goes for nothing and he makes her move backwards again. In their forth encounter of swords they make a cross and stand like that for a second. Then Brienne attacks and their swords clench. She pushes her sword towards him and he pushes his to hers. They play like this and as she overpowers her he speaks again. 

"You're good." he says and her blade just misses his throat and he bents behind.

"Graceless... But good." Then he pushes her sword towards her. She looks at it and then releases their sword and he has been thrown on the side of the road by her movement. He leans on the stone, his back turned towards Brienne, she walks around him not close. He stands up effortlessly and attacks her again and she's ready for it. Their swords clash and then she kicks his crotch. He goes back.

"See? If you were willing to hurt me, you might have had me there." She looks at him in disgust the whole time and he attacks again. He forces her to move backward and then when he thought he can make her fall by hitting her shoulder, she also does the same and he falls onto the ground again. But holds his sword back at her as she's ready to respond. They hold their gaze with their swords. He swings back and forth as to decide when to attack and then he stands up again to make her feet do the footwork. He strikes two or three times and then she hits him from his face. He goes back again to the side of the bridge. Then she rages over him and tosses her sword on him but he manages to get away. She sweeps the stone with her sword and goes back to the attacking position again. She goes on him and does her swording effortlessly. She is fast and he tries to keep up. She strikes three times on top and then at last one he is ready to fall. She does the favor and make him fall with his sword by swinging the last strike on his sword. 

Brienne looks ahead and sees someone coming. She takes her sword back to its defense position and rearranges her posture. Jaime looks at her and then turns to look where she looks. He stands up and goes in front of her as if he is protecting her. He also takes his sword to protect himself as she did. The man on white horse speaks.

"Looks like your woman's getting the better of you if you can call that a woman." Jaime smiles at his words and responds sarcastically.

"Oh we enjoy a good fight. Gets our juices flowing." He looks at them. Brienne watches them as he speaks. 

"The Flayed Man of House Bolton. A bit gruesome for my taste." Jaime says. The man asks a folk has been captured by them.

"You're sure he's the one?" The farmer looks at him and responds to his question like he has been paid to answer it in that way.

"That's him, all right. I saw him fight at the tourney for Ser Willem Frey's wedding." Jaime turns to Brienne as he finishes his words. He seems somewhat filled with the emotion of 'We are fucked up' and a little guilt. 

"Give the man his silver." The man says. Then Jaime looks down and turns to him.

"Let us go, my father will pay you whatever you want." 

"Enough to buy me a new head?" The man mocks. Jaime looks at him as he didn't understand what he said.

"If the King in the North hears I had the Kingslayer and let him go, he'll be taking it right off. I'd rather he takes yours." The man finishes and their horses moves onto them. They move backwards as they are still holding their swords as a last chance. But it was no use.

 

* * *

 

They were tied onto separate trees, sitting almost face to face. Jaime was looking at her, watching her hidden terror of the known end for her. She had no value, Jaime was the valuable hostage and she will be wasted by Bolton's men as he said on the horse earlier. She was leaning her head on the tree, holding her chin up and glancing Jaime in fury. But the fury was not intended on him. It was for what she is not able to. She could fight but couldn't kill all of them without a sword. Jaime knew that. He hated her as the thought came to his mind. Every man in this camp raping her in a queue like they are having their bread from common bakery. It was just a little joy of a moment to them. He hated her again. He was looking at her, not blinking while he thinks all about what will happen to her now. He hated her for making him worry about someone he doesn't know for the first time in his life. He hit his head on the trunk to dismiss every thought and unavoidable scream would come from her as they carry her into the woods. He let out a sigh, not out of relief for sure. The Bolton man came and took her. She tried to remain her honor at any point, even when she knows she will be spent for nothing but a 3 seconds joy. She will be again someone's amusement as she was. It was her destiny to be this person. 

 _No..._ Jaime said to himself looking down the whole time Bolton's men tried to knock down her attempts to fight back. She has been hit on the face and treated as less than a whore now. Jaime looked at her behind his hairs. She seemed frightened for the first time when all the men held her and dragged her into darkness. But Bolton man stayed with him. He wanted to get what's left of her. The most vulnerable she will ever be... Jaime again hit his head to the trunk. The unending cry coming from Brienne itched his head and he clenched his jaw. Bolton man was walking around him slowly. He looked down, closed his eyes and spoke to the man. About how valuable Brienne is and why the man should keep her safe to deliver her to his father. Cause there will be lots of sapphire as well as gold the Jaime had offered. 

Brienne was eager to use all her strength on these men. They were almost separated to hold every limp of hers very precisely until she couldn't move again. Still she managed to kick one of the men from his groin. He fell down and she put her foot on the ground to fight others. One of them slapped her and the other kicked her from her belly. She fell down and the man on the ground held her from her hair and turned her face to himself. He touched her face with his mudded finger and then swiped the mud that he left on her cheek. Brienne's stomach twisted, turned and she was sick to her existence. She kicked him again but he pinned her down and she felt his filthy junk on her. She couldn't move, not even a finger to poke an eye with it. All she could do was to scream as loud as she can. It was a howl as expected of her. Full of anger, rage, threatening, frightening and also frightened. She was very close to being humiliated. _She could bear anything._ Even the venomous words Jaime tells her to provoke her. They were words led to actions. What if she stopped reacting to these words and humiliations like they did not hurt her? Would she not resist as Jaime said or get herself killed? Still, they could use her body after her death. That is why she always finds herself in wars. 

 _She could bear anything. But not losing without fighting..._ Jaime thought and saw Brienne kicking men from the ground. He gave the most genuine smile when he saw her. As she kicked harder she howled louder. Jaime said his last words to get Bolton's attention and the man stopped. He walked towards his men and told them to bring her. They were exhausted, much exhausted than even Brienne. She was reacting every move anyone made and she seemed like a mad dog. _What have they done there to her?_ Jaime looked at her trying to cover his worry he claimed from nowhere.  _What have you done to me?_ then he said to himself. She was wearing her honorable mask like she beat them with her pride, ungiving patience and unbearable strength. It was all true after all. All of those qualities were true except the part she won the battle. She knew that and looked very directly touching Jaime's eyes. He knew she knew that and saw her thanking him with her eyes and curled up mouth.  _Oh is she going to cry? I don't think so._ Jaime said himself to calm down. His throat felt a sudden stone in it and he blinked a few times then he looked down. Men were tying her again onto the tree. When they were finished Bolton man came to him again. He released him from the ropes and he was somewhat relieved that his words on him both ways. 

But he was wrong. He lost a hand. An identity and his honor. _What's left of his honor?_

He was in deep unknown waters after this incident. It was Brienne's time to worry now. He was not eating well, his face has turned into a pale yellow color and he always kept his head down like he was ready to die any moment. Brienne wanted him to fight. Maybe not like she did but she wanted him to try it. At least he should be thinking about it. 

 


	2. Harrenhal 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short but the previous task has been removed so that's what left of that, since I've changed it so many times.
> 
> **Please leave a comment.  
> if you have an opinion about anything that I write, I'll be more than glad to read your comments.

Jaime was tied sitting on a horse facing Brienne. He wanted to look at her but his body weight was bringing him down. His hand already got infected and he had a great fever. He was barely holding his body upright and Brienne was aware of it. She became more worried in these past three days and he became irritated by her worried eyes and constant questions of how is he feeling or if he needs anything. He knew she was feeling guilty and trying to cover this with her 'goodwill'. He despised these kind of acts. It shows true colours of humans for Jaime. He felt his head falling to his side and Brienne held him as best as she could. Jaime coughed as his cheek pressed on her leg and he felt like laying his head there. Brienne repositioned him and he looked at her blankly. Brienne was captivated by his eyes and she just looked behind to see where they are. Jaime smiled to himself and turned his gaze to her neck. His mouth got dry and he gulped then licked his lips. When she turned again to face him it was his time to cover his face. He buried it under his hair and started look down again. Brienne's head tilted as a questioning sign.

"Are you alright?" she asked not as worried as before. Jaime tired to look at her but he was too exhausted of moving. He nodded and Brienne let out a deep breath. 

"I asked if you're alright." She repeated. Jaime took a deep breath and then looked at her. Piercing her eyes with his behind his mudded hairs.

"I am wench!" he said between his teeth. He buried his head again and tried to hold onto the seddle. Behind them one of the men yelled at them.

"Aye! Stop talking!" Brienne looked at him furiously.

"We were not talking!" she said and Jaime raised his looks to the man behind him.

"Then what were you doing ha? Offerin' your maidenhood?" Brienne closed her eyes as an annoyance and took a deep breath. Jaime laughed at the thought and she looked at him. It was furious enough to stop his laughing. The other man laughed and she pierced his eyes with her threatening eyes. 

"What? Our beauty got angry? What a shame I just wanted to have fun a few seconds ago and now you are offering yourself! Shame on you."  _Shit._ Jaime thought. Brienne jumped off the horse and went next to the man.

"I want a fight!" She pressed on every word confidently. Man looked at her in disbelief and then laughed. 

"I said, I want to fight." She raised her voice at him. Then all the horses stopped.  _Oh fuck._ Jaime tried to stay up but his body was going down. This could be another chance to save her ass for the second time he thought. He took a deep breath and let himself fall on the ground. Brienne immediately looked at him as she heard the sound of his whimper. She then looked back at the man, he was still laughing but this time for Jaime. She looked back and saw no one was helping. 

"I can't pick him up!" She said and looked at them again. No one got off their horses. She hesitantly went to where Jaime lays. She tried to bent her knees to reach him but the ropes were not letting her. 

"Hey!" She yelled really forcefully. Then one of the men got off and came where they are. If he could die right now he would be happy. After all of this nonsense journey he could be at least not serving Lady Stark or anyone. He would actually not keep his promise and do what he desires for the first time in his life. But no, that beast of a woman won't let him die, not even a moment he can think about it. He's pulled by two strong hands and felt his knees give up. Then his head spun and he felt hazy. 

"He's going to faint." Brienne said with a cold voice. While he was trying to look at Brienne between the hairs in front of his eyes, he felt his face touch the mud and the cold soil covered with rocks. When the pain kicked he was already asleep. 

 

A warmness tickled his cheeks and half of his body. He could feel his right hand holding a sword next to him while he lays on the ground of the battlefield.  _I'm dying_ he thought with a misplaced joy in his heart and he smiled at the thought.  _Finally. I am dying._ he gave a good last breath out and looked up to see the blue summer sky he hoped for. He felt a cold hand on his left hand that squeezed so hard he couldn't escape the reality. He opened his eyes but he saw stone walls and a window. Not much of a light was coming in because of her massive body blocking it. But it was not as massive as he thought under the armor. Almost it resembles him a woman's body. He took a good look of her figures and then locked his eyes on her hair. It was much more golden than before.  _Did she bathe?_ he asked himself. His mind wandered around the image of her silky skin and her soft lips-

"Oh shit." he said under his breath. She looked at him as soon as she heard him talking. He looked at the mattress and closed his eyes.  _Shit shit shit! What am I thinking?_

"Are you alright?" she asked standing next to the bed. He raised his hand carelessly and nodded. 

"Are you sure?" she repeated. His hand stood in the air and then he looked at his right hand. Slowly he turned cause he was afraid to find it was gone. But he knew cause Brienne was here, living, breathing -thanks to him- and his hand?

"I'm sorry." she managed. He shut his eyes in annoyance and tried to calm himself. He took a second look of his hand. It took long for him to talk.

"Are you?" he said in a despising voice. Then he harshly turned to her and aggressively grabbed her by the wrist. 

"Are you!?" he cursed in anger. He could barely hold his tears and she was not her best to respond to those emotions so, she sat on the bed next to him and put her other hand on his. She looked down at their hands. His was trembling,  _He fears_ she concluded. She took her hand from his and looked at him. His tears were falling onto the mattress making little rain drops as when she ran away from the boys in the court and hid under the skirt of her dress while a storm came to Tarth. 

"I know this feeling Kingslayer. It won't give you much more pain than now." He itched at the thought of her 'understanding' how he feels. He felt the anger in him growing but then it faded away. Her arms covered his weak shoulders and he found an oddly satisfying comfort and confidence in those arms and embrace. 

"It will wash away. Like the blood and water." She broke the hug and looked at his befuddled face. 

"But still, It will leave its mark and you'll remember it for the rest of your life. At least you are lucky to be a man with good looks." She got out of the bed and turned to close the window. He watched her moving towards the light. When she closed one wing of the window he saw her hair got back to its dead color of blonde.

"Don't." he said when she was about to close the the other wing. 

"Don't close the window." he said hesitantly.  _Don't go_ he wanted to say. He felt her eyes were examining him like a child would do to a stranger. She did as he said and came to the end of the bed. 

"Have a good rest." she said and then turned toward the door. His body raised out of his will.

"Don't go!" he pleaded. She couldn't look at him cause she was afraid that her heart may soften when she sees his face. 

"Why should I stay?" she asked. His mouth stood open and couldn't bring the words together.

"U-um, just-" He was excited and stuttering and-"

"Okay." she said and sat on the chair staying at the end of the bed. His features softened and he tried not to look at her for a few minutes. But what was she doing? Just sitting and watching him? He wore an amusing smile on his face as he was ready to mock with her.

"So am I that stun-" 

"Shut up." she said. He looked at her. She was indeed sitting and looking at him, like, never blinking. 

"A-are you alright?" 

"I am not very amused to nurse you." 

"Then why you stayed?" he challenged her.

"Cause I feel like I need to stay." 

"Why?" 

"Cause you wanted me to stay!" she said and stood up. 

"Okay okay. Just don't do nothing. I mean, if it's a boredom for you, you can go."

"Oh I am very exhausted of your mind games Kingslayer. If you want someone to watch over you I can call someone else more fitted than me for this job."

"No. I want no one." She looked at his eyes and went next to where he lays. 

"Then, don't you dare to mock me with your games." she threatened. 

"I am not!" 

"I said do not mock with me!" she hissed.

"I'm not wench! I want you to stay for a while. I already feel lonely." he said more than he could've but that made her stop coming against him. She gulped and wore a serious mask and then sat on that chair again. He watched her as she watched him. It was not discomforting for him or for her. It was like eternity until one of them speak up but it felt like a second for Jaime. 

"Why don't you sit there? This is a little bothering for me. Being watched... you know." he tried to trick her. She stood up in a second and took the chair next to the bed, where the window is. She unwillingly placed the chair and looked at him as if he approves.

"Umm, can you come a bit close to here?" he pointed the path exactly where the sunshine comes in. She looked down and followed the light that reached to the window. She became pissed.

"I thought we agreed that I won't be your entertainment for today." 

"What?" 

"I'm going Kingslayer. If someone needed a laughter they could've looked into the mirror. Cause their face is-"

"Are you referring to me?"

"I am not 'referring'. I am informing." 

"Me?"

"People in general. They need to be tamed." Jaime laughed at what she said.

"Are you serious? Are you really serious wench?" She reached her not so little dagger and took it out.

"As this dagger." she said. There was no threatening in her voice.

"Well, I don't understand why you always misunderstand me. Did I really do something? Did I ever mocked you? Truly? From the bottom of my heart? Did I?" he was ready to go out of his bed to ensure her. She pointed her dagger to stop that kind of an act so he erased the thought.

"Maybe not bottom of your heart but-"

"No I didn't. So why you never trust a word I say? Any of them? One is even enough." 

"Why would I believe?" she put her dagger into its case and stood bravely in front of him.

"Ah, don't try to be strong in front of me. I know you are enough to knock me down okay?"

"I am noot!" she furrowed.

"Yes you are. You always try to look much more stronger than you need to."

"What? When?" she exaggerated with her voice. 

"Well, like- right now." 

"No. Just- stop okay? This is another trick isn't it." she rolled her eyes and then walked to him. When she finally reached him he fell back onto the pillow watching her from the bottom. 

"If you need something there will be someone outside of your door. If you yell, he will come. I came here cause-" she stopped and took a step back.

"Cause what?" he questioned.

"Cause Lord Bolton wanted to know how you are. Now, I am going to report him that you are well enough to go into the baths. After you'll be attending a dinner with him." 

"Oh no. No wench! Bath is okay, but not dine with _him_. Can't I have a dinner with you instead of him?" 

"Do I look like his twin sister?" as she said it they both recoiled and Brienne just bowed his head and went out of the room. 


	3. Harrenhal 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since my series go at a slow pace I thought whenever I feel like writing I should do it. Because of this I think this series will last more than 4 chapters. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and giving your time for this amateur work. xx

_Do I look like his twin sister?_ The words fulled his mind.  _Not indeed she is_ Jaime thought. His mind inevitably went to Cersei and made an unwanted connection between her and Brienne.  _Why does she making my mind uneasy?_ He annoyed at his thoughts and the image of the golden halo around Brienne's head when he woke up. What a godly woman he thought again. 

"Get a hold on yourself!" he said. 

The door knocked and a man came in with fresh clothes and towel in his hands. He bowed as he met Jaime's gaze and left them on the chair where Brienne sat. 

"Here I leave your clothes and a towel for the bath. Is there anything I can help you with?" he asked. Jaime looked at himself and calculated his strength. 

"I might need help when I go for the baths." he groaned as his headache kicked in. The servant went to him and held his hands open.

"I can also help you with your headache Sir." Jaime looked at the guy and couldn't see any chain around his neck.

"You're not a maester?"

"I can call one if you please Sir." he said as he bowed his head unnecessarily. 

"If he'll give me milk of the poppy I prefer a good wine." 

"Well my sir, I'm sorry but maester wouldn't agree with your wish." he bowed his head again.

"Gods, stop with that nonsense attitude. Well, I'll take a bath." Jaime looked at him. He recoiled and then smiled.

"If you please, we can go now." He offered his arm for him to hold. Jaime tried to get up on his own but at last he gave up and took his arm. The guy held him from his waist and harmed arm. Jaime itched at the feeling on his arm and looked at the guy.

"What's your name?" he asked. The guy smiled and took the towel as they walked towards the door.

"Sam, Sir." They went out of the room in slow pace and it took only half a minute reach the baths. As they walked Jaime eased at the steam and warmness coming from the baths and his head spun for a moment. The guy held him tight and looked at him with worried eyes.

"A-are you alright Sir?" Jaime raised his hand and shook his head. They went in and Jaime found Brienne in the baths. He couldn't help himself but grinned at the view. 

"I can help you with your clothes if you-"

"No need. You can go now." he said as he watched Brienne's back. She was singing something in her mouth and tapping on the water with her delicate fingers. Jaime got out of his pants and his shirt in a few seconds not expected of his condition. Brienne heard the sound of clothes dropping on the floor and turned in fear. Then she immediately turned back and looked at the water as she saw Jaime naked. She covered herself with her arms and moved to a corner. She buried herself under the water until her neck. He stepped into the pool as she glimpsed at him in disbelief.

"There's another tub!" 

"This one suits me fine Don't worry. Not interested." his voice came fair enough to believe he was exhausted. Brienne did not intend to care for it. 

"If I faint, pull me out."

"Why would I?" she asked. She was holding the sponge so tight that her knuckles went white. Jaime noticed it and his gaze went up to her chest, then her neck and her eyes full of discomfort. He took a step back to make her feel more comfortable and looked anywhere he could but not her. 

Jaime went into the pool as he talked.

"Cause you vowed to Catelyn Stark, remember?" he settled in and Brienne followed after him. He did not look until she placed herself at the furthest corner of the pool. 

"Swore to bring the Kingslayer back to King's Landing alive and this means you must protect me until you take Sansa and leave King's Landing. If that is how you served your king Renly,"

Brienne's gaze intensified and held her jaw as he spoke.

"There's no doubt that he's dead."

As he said the words she was standinng upright in front of him fiercely and bravely.  

“Don’t you dare to mock me Kingslayer.”

Jaime’s gaze softened on her face and he bent his head.

”I’m sick of fighting and wars. Can we call a truce?”

”You need trust to have truce!” She bit back. He swallowed and then looked into her eyes.

”I trust you.”

She looked at him like he was lying to her and he sensed it.

”I trust you. I mean it with all my life as you are pledged to bring me back to King’s Landing all and healthy.” he pointed at his right hand -well where his hand was before being chopped by Locke-. She clenched her jaw and held herself not to punch his face.

“I’m as sick from your mocks as you are with wars and keeping vows.” She sit back to where she was and gave a despised look to him. He smiled to himself.

”There it is,” he said and Brienne raised her eyes to his for a brief moment then her eyes fell onto the water again. 

"That's the look.I've seen it for 17 years on face after face. " his head could only bear the heat and the sudden feel of spilling everything he held for years.

"You all despise me. Kingslayer. Oath breaker. Man without honor. You've heard of wildfire?" He mused. Brienne lifted her brow and shifted her position to face him.

"Of course." she said.

"The mad king was obsessed with it. He loved to watch people burn--" He recalled the memories of his service to that sick bastard filling the entire hall with screams of maidens. Every day, never stopping. He then looked at her.

",the way their skin blackened, blistered, melted off their bones. He burned lords he didn't like; he burned Hands that disobeyed him; he burned anyone that was against him. Before long, half the country was against him. Aerys saw traitors everywhere, so he had his pyromancer place caches of wildfire all over the city: beneath the Sept of Baelor, the slums of flea bottom, under houses, stables, taverns, even beneath the Red Keep itself. "

Brienne listened him as the words grew much more darker and her known world of justice, honesty and honor was feeling something was coming. Something much more heavier than she can imagine. Jaime never shifted his eyes from hers. He really wanted to make her understand him. Just one. Just one person was enough. Just one to believe, one to understand and one to make his sins acknowledged as his choices. Then maybe, his choices he made in his brief life, may become something much more darker than his sins. For those sins, they are known, not understood, _but known_. But this is the truth he is giving up on. He may not feel bad if Brienne does not believe in him. Actually, he just wants to tell this to someone.  _But why her?_  

"Finally, the day of reckoning came. Robert Baratheon marched upon the capitol after his victory at the Trident. But my father arrived first with the whole Lannister army at his back, promising to defend the city against the rebels. I knew my father better than that. He's never been one to pick the losing side. I told the mad king as much. I urged him to surrender peacefully. But the king didn't listen to me, didn't listen to Varys, who tried to warn him. But he did listen to Grandmaester Pycell, that grey sunken cunt. _You can trust the Lannisters,_  he said. _The Lannisters have always been true friends of the crown_." his voice becoming much more harsher and he was almost spitting every word that left a hard lump in his throat. 

"So, we opened the gates and my father sacked the city. Once again I came to the king begging him to surrender." He looked at her again.

"He told me to bring him my father's head. Then he turned to his pyromancer, " he intendedly held the gaze between them. Brienne could feel the heat coming out of his eyes.

 ** _"Burn them all,_**  he said. _Burn them in their homes, burn them in their beds."_ His words filled and echoed through the walls. His voice died and Brienne saw how he felt at that day. How a hard task to bear for years he was summoned with. What he actually was.Brienne's gaze intensified as she saw how he was suffering right now, how much was he suffering? All this time... _Why? Why have you kept it inside?_ she asked herself. Then she thought,  _What would I do if Renly asked me such a thing?_ Then Jaime,  _the Kingslayer,_ repeated her curiosity. He tilted his head to challenger her with his usual way. 

"Tell me, if your precious Renly commanded you to kill your own father and stand by while thousands of men women and children were burned alive, would you have done it? Would you have kept your oath then? "

 _No. I don't think so._ she could tell herself. He took a deep breath before speaking and then released it. 

"First, I killed the pyromancer, and then when the king turned to flee I drove my sword into his back. **_Burn them all_ ,** he kept saying. _**Burn them all!**  " _he stopped and looked somewhere else, somewhere on the water. He thought. 

"I don't think he expected to die. He meant to burn with the rest of us and rise again reborn as a dragon and turn his enemies to ash. I slit his throat to make sure that didn't happen. That's where Ned Stark found me." 

When he finished his words after a little moment Brienne released her furrowed brows and spoke.

"If this is true, why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you tell Lord Stark?" Jaime looked at him and laughed inside.

"Stark. You think the honorable Ned Stark wanted to hear my side?" he let a moment for her to focus on him. She was there, her eyes and heart were there. Then, he continued, his body shaking and he could barely let out those last words.

"He judged me guilty the moment he set eyes on me. By what right does the wolf judge the lion? **By what right?** " Before finishing his words his body surrendered and fell into the water. Brienne rose at the same moment and held him from his shoulders. Covered his upper body with her arms and held him for a moment. Then she said,

"Help! _The Kingslayer_!" as buzzy as his mind was, he needed to finish his words and prove his point. 

"Jaime." he said with his only left power.

"My name is Jaime." Brienne looked at him. His eyes were closed but his breathing was heavy. 

 _Jaime_ she said inside. Corrected herself a few times when she always thought of him as the Kingslayer. But now, for a brief moment, she could feel like she can put this man into a place even she cannot dare to reach. _For now_ , she thought. She pulled him out of the water and placed him on the stones. A master and a servant came as she was wrapping herself with a towel. 

"What is it?" the Maester asked and then saw Jaime lying on the floor. 

"He is- he fainted." Brienne managed and came next to Jaime where Maester was coming. The servant was standing next to the entrance if they need help. 

"Because of the infection but mostly," he said and looked at Brienne.

"Oh I thought men and women bathe in different rooms." Did he meant he couldn't recognize Brienne was a woman or meant they have done something in-

"But, he needs water and food. We can start with liquids. He seems very out of his weight. Do you know how many times in a day he ate before coming here my Lady?"

"Well, once if we're lucky. And that's only a piece of bread accompanied with a flask of water."

"Boltons aye? They can be very vicious and savage sometimes."

"Sometimes?" 

"That banner stands for everything. I guess you were still lucky. Because of the Kingslayer maybe. His head worths more than I can achieve until I die." Brienne nodded without any will.

"So, what can I do?" she asked.

"We will carry him to his room when he gains some-" as he said Jaime opened his eyes, his mouth aching to breathe. 

"Okay. Sam! Come here boy." The servant came and the Maester looked at Brienne.

"My Lady, you can rest until he wakes up completely."

"But-"

"Please my Lady, this is much better for a man who has a condition as his."

"Okay." Brienne said and went out of the bath. 

 


	4. Farewell, Lady Brienne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it is not so well connected with on-screen act and off-screen (in my imagination). But thanks for reading :)

She was thinking about what Jaime said a few hours ago in her awfully pinky dress that Boltons gave her. Her skin was itching because of the old fabric and all she could do in this room -or a cellar like room- was to wander around or looking at the tiny window which was the only source of any light. She stopped walking and then her door knocked. 

"Come in." she said. The maester from before came and bowed his head as Brienne approached him.

"How's his condition?" she asked. 

"It will get better in the morning. I assume you will be attending the dinner with Lord Bolton alone." 

"Oh, alright." she said and gave a little smile. It could be worse, at least Jaime's better. Maester chuckled and looked at her dearingly.

"My Lady, do you want to see him?" She raised her eyes and it was clear that she wanted.

"Very well then. Follow me." he said as he waited for her to join him. They went upstairs and Brienne could feel her heart was trying to go out of her chest.  _For what reason I am feeling like this?_ she asked herself. She was touching her hands and couldn't look at anywhere but her feet. That was not like her but she did not have any complaints. When they reached the end of the stairs she stopped and looked at the maester. He opened the door and moved aside for her to pass. She could not move for a moment and looked down.

"My lady you can come in." the maester said. She coiled and looked at him.

"Y-yes. I know." she said and then untied her hands. Lifted her chin up and looked straight towards the door. She took her steps slow but rhythmically until she saw the image of Jaime sleeping like a child. She stopped at the doorway and then felt Maester's hand on her shoulder. Brienne looked at him.

"He is sleeping but he should wake up sooner. If you need anything Sam will help you. He will wait outside, at the door." Brienne nodded.

"Thank you." she said kindly. Maester bowed his head and then disappeared. When he left Brienne turned her head to Jaime. He was exhausted, breathing heavy and very slower than usual.  _I shouldn't be bothering him_ she thought and turned her head in an instant. She closed the door behind her. 

"Wench?" Brienne looked down and then turned her head.

"Wench? Is that you?" She took a deep breath and opened the door slowly. Her head peaked behind the door as Jaime straightened up. When he saw her face completely he smiled but stopped it on the halfway. He cleared his throat and turned his head somewhere else than her face. Then he raised his eyes from the floor to look at her again. 

"Were you expecting my invitation?" he asked. Brienne was standing at the center of the room and playing with her hands behind her. Jaime looked at her face and tilted his head.

"I don't like this." he said. Brienne's eyes went up and found his.

"What?" she asked blankly. 

"I don't like you." he said. Like the speed of a lighting bolt ,her face fell and Jaime laughed at it.

"When you are like a septa- I don't like _that_ you." 

"In what way I'm resembling a septa?" her voice came very offended and angry. Jaime chuckled at it and straightened his back a little more by piling up the pillows behind him. 

"In every way." he said by looking up and down at her slowly and it had much more meaning in it. Her face became red by just the thought of her maidenhood mentioned by him. Not just out of embarrassment but anger. Jaime saw it in her eyes and tried to get out of his bed to reach her. He pulled the covers and one leg touched the stone cold floor. Brienne couldn't stand and watch. She pushed everything on him and then turned back to where she was standing. Her hands behind her, waiting for him to stand up. Her eyes were on the ground and she tried not to say anything what was on her mind. He slowly pulled himself up and faced her but she was troubling in thoughts as he saw. He took three or four steps to get her attention. She looked up at him and he gulped. His hand went to the water but then he remembered, he had no hand at that arm. Her face became aware and she immediately poured water for him. She held the glass in her hands and waited for him to take it. He couldn't move cause he was tempted by her affection. 

"I-" sound came out so dry from his mouth. 

"Do you want me to?" she couldn't finish. 

"If it not matters you." 

"Of course not." she said and stepped forward to him. She couldn't know how to do this. Then his lips came for it and she slowly tilted the glass. She watched him as the sounds filled the room and his thirst. When the glass became empty his mouth and beard was wet. He chuckled and looked down. It felt bad to be this unable to do anything without someone's help. But Brienne was making it more natural and comfortable for him to bear it. 

"Thank you." he said and Brienne froze. She put the glass down and picked up the cloth next to it. She did not look at his eyes or his face. She just folded the cloth and pressed on his lips and dried his beard with it. Jaime stood still and watched her, tried to not step back and fall onto his bed. Then he realized.  _What is that thing she is wearing?_   Brienne understood what he was thinking by his looks at her. She placed the cloth on the drawer. She stepped back and looked at him with that usual  _pissed_ look on her face. When he noticed her face he cleared his throat and looked down and then up at her. 

"It looks-"

"Shut up. I know how it is." she said and then looked at him. 

"So what are you planning for today? A little walk around the beautiful castle?"

"Yes. I need some air." he said. She looked down and then turned her eyes to the window.

"There's the window."  he looked at her blankly. 

"...for air." she said. He chuckled again. She stepped forward aggressively.

"What is so funny that you keep laughing since I came?" she asked angry. His face found hers and his eyes lit up. She was really angry. He also took a step forward toward her. She stepped back but he held her with his left hand. 

"I really appreciate that you are here." he said. She took a step back and he let go of her. She looked down and joined her hands.

"I don't want to take your time anymore." she looked at him like he said nothing.

"and I think you need to rest rather than walking. We should be on our way sooner." she said like he said nothing intimate. After that he nodded and did not attempt any comment. 

 

_That Night Dinner with Lord Bolton_

 

Brienne was mising and he wondered how she could not suffer from hunger? His stomach was aching for days for a bread. Then there was a large beef in front of him and he was struggling to cut it while talking to Lord Bolton. He left the fork and picked up the knife. It felt so strange in his left hand and he tried not to sweat under Lord Bolton's eyes as he spoke. 

"Lady Brienne will not join us?" Jaime asked under his hair. 

"She will." Lord Bolton said. Jaime stopped cutting and looked at him.  _Oh she will honor us to show her face at least._

"How come you two encountered?" Bolton asked. Jaime smiled to himself and looked at him.

"Catelyn Stark." he said.  _That woman..._  

The door knocked three times and she came in her eyes on the ground bowing and then looking at Lord Bolton then to Jaime. 

"Please sit Lady Brienne." Lord Bolton stood up from his chair to show her chair. She bowed with her head and sat next to Jaime. His eyes were on hers all the time until she sat next to him. As she sat Lord Bolton did. He looked both of them and then spoke.

"I see my men have found you something appropriate to wear." Lord Bolton said as Jaime struggled with his meal.

"Yes, most kind of them. " she found herself saying eyeing to Jaime's struggle. 

"You're a Stark bannerman Lord Bolton. I am acting on Lady Stark's order to return Jaime Lannister to King's Landing." she said confidently. Lord Bolton interrupted her to not hear more.

"When King Robb have left Harrenhal his mother was his prisoner, if she wasn't his mother he would've hanged her of treason." Lord Bolton replied and Brienne couldn't stand to hear Jaime's cutlery sounds. She ends it with her fork by stabbing the meat. Then he quietly cuts the meat as Lord Bolton watches them.

"I should send you back to Robb Stark." he says to Jaime. Then Brienne takes her fork back and Jaime replies sarcastically but also threatening.

"You should. Instead you're sitting here, watching me fail at dinner. Why might that be?" he says arrogantly and puts the meat into his mouth. 

"Wars cost money." Lord Bolton replies calm.

"Many people would pay a great deal for you." 

"We both know who pay the most." Jaime refers to his father.

"I'll make you pay the most if we found out you captured me and send me back up North for summary execution."

"You're right. Perhaps the safest thing to do is to kill you both and burn your bodies." Lord Bolton attacks very calm and Brienne helds her knife against any threatening act but Jaime puts his hand on hers to give her some safety and assurance. 

"It would be." he says to Lord Bolton but mostly to Brienne.

"Honestly believe my father would never find out about it."

"King Robb is keeping your father quite busy. He doesn't have time for anything else." Lord Bolton says confidently.

"He'll make time for you." Jaime says even though it sound not so powerful as the beginning of their conversation.

"As soon as you're well enough to travel, I will allow you to go King's Landing as the restitution for the mistakes my soldiers made. And you will swear to tell your father the truth. That I have nothing to do with your maiming. " 

Jaime seizes and then nods his head. He takes the wine jug and goes for Lord Bolton's glass.

"Shall we drink on it?" Lord Bolton puts his hand on the glass.

"I don't partake."

"to understand how suspicious that is to ordinary people. Very well! My lady, may our journey continue without further incident." 

"Oh she won't be going with you." Brienne looks pissed but hides it under her skin. 

"I am charged with bringing Ser Jaime-"

"You are charged with abetting treason." Brienne feels the memoir of Renly and his dead body in her arms. She stays stone cold.

"I'm afraid I must insist."

"You're in no place to insist on anything." Lord Bolton sweeps his comment away.

"I would have hoped you've learned your lesson about overplaying your-" he trails.

" _position_." he finishes. Jaime looks at him feeling somewhat in sorrow and disappointment. Then he drinks from his wine and could feel the stress coming out of Brienne's body. Maybe for the first time he sees her this  _afraid_. He wants to reassure her that he will find a way to get her out of here. He wants to touch her hand to make her feel less lonely when she made him in the baths the most he needed. Brienne did not eat or drink after that last words of Lord Bolton. 

Jaime couldn't sleep after the dinner with Lord Bolton. What will happen to her after his leave? Will she be at home, Tarth or worse? 

 

She sat on the wood trunk in the room and looked at the window. She watched the dusts and dirty air flying in the last light of the day. Then she looked at her hands. She remembered the way she held him and squeezed her hands. It felt like Renly dying in her arms and she felt he will also die in her arms, in the bath. The thought felt strange in her and she immediately stopped that feeling as her door knocked. She jumped and stood still as her door opened and a servant directed someone in. 

It was Jaime. He came in and looked at the servant to leave them alone. When the door closed they were alone. Brienne tried to talk but stopped. Then saw his face in seconds, he was not feeling like himself. Not amused or mocking her. 

"I thought you were gone." she admitted to herself. Jaime expected something different from her mouth. Something more farewell-ish. He tilted his head and answered.

"tomorrow." Brienne looked at him in silence seizing her thoughts and the fact that their journey has ended, Jaime thought about the same.

"Have they told you what they planned to do with me?" Brienne asked. Jaime's throat felt dry and still he tried to tell the fact.

"Lord Bolton's travelling tomorrow as well." he looked at her eyes and waited for a response.

"He's going to the Twin's for Tully's wedding." he stopped but then he get his courage to finish it all.

"and you remain here." Brienne's jaw clenched her sound coming stoney.

"With Locke." she said much more braver than he. He shifted his eyes and his mouth opened. He tried to form a sentence in his mind to say everything he needs to her. He stepped forward to her and her eyes fell down.

"I owe you a debt." he said. Then she looked at him and walked to him.

"When Catelyn Stark released you, we both made a promise to her. Now it's your promise. You gave your word, keep it, and consider that debt paid." she said and he knew it was her testament. She will die after his leave. She accepted it more than any knight can. What a knight she is. She still thought about that fucking promise. But-

He nodded and looked into her eyes,

"I will return the Stark girls to their mother." Never leaving her eyes he assured her.

"I swear it." as the word meant something for her, he knew it means something to her but he really meant it. She acknowledged it and approved with a nod. After came a very faint smile. A smile to their promise, to Jaime or to death. All at once maybe. She tilted his chin out and said her last words to him.

 

"Goodbye, Ser Jaime." 

Something untied in his throat and in his eyes. He held the tears but couldn't hide his face of emotions. He felt as naked as he confessed her in baths. There was nothing between them. Then he said,

 _"Goodbye Lady Brienne."_ in his head it yanked but he couldn't. His voice would crack and he may spill a tear. He gulped all those feelings down his throat and nodded. Turned his back and left her alone in that room, in this filthy place with Locke. 

 


	5. Death and Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for the big delay -since no one's reading but- but I couldn't know what to put into this chapter and did not want to include the scenes we all know.  
> Also it is short but I promise the next chapter is going to be better and more different.

_No. I can't leave her here. Not after what has happened between us._

The thought of them together gave birth to a little butterfly floating around his heart and stomach. The image of Brienne and her vulnerability in her eyes lightened in his vision.  He saw her as a beast, heartless woman before all of this. Then as a warrior after saving his life. Then he saw her as a woman. He knew where to hurt her in order to get some words out of her mouth and mind. He wanted her company, her sympathy mostly. Because she was what he was not and still wanted to be. All of their journey he caught some sides of her even she did not know maybe. When she was pissed at him, he found it rather amusing and intriguing at the same time. His heart would stop for a man’s lifespan when he saw her fighting and putting her heart out there. Firstly out of admiration and secondly out of fear of losing her.

“What the-“ he were to say to himself with that thought if maester did not interrupt his inner conversation.

“Sir Jaime, I believe we were off to King’s Landing tomorrow.”

“Yes.” He said not looking at the man.

“Then I should apply the last coat of your ointment." he said and gestured Jaime to go to his room. 

 

After the master left his room Jaime felt unease. Even the soft pillows hurt his head and the bed never helped him to fall asleep. He hoped, he could find his warm bed waiting for him with Cersei in it. She would wrap her arms around his shoulders and put a delicate kiss on his lips. Then he would go raw on her and they could make another baby to their secret family. He always thought of that. One day they could all run away with their children to the west of Westeros. There, no one could find them. Because it was unknown and it was far. It was as unreal as his dream. An unknown land for a delusional love. His true identity troubled him to his guts. He couldn't hold the liquid coming from there to reach his throat as fast as it could. He bent aside in urgency and vomited on the floor. He felt the power going away from his body and his head spun like a heavy hammer hit his head. 

 

On the other end of the castle Brienne never blinked for a second. She couldn't know if it was the possibility of Locke to enter her room (basement looking room) or something else. She walked and walked around to stop her thoughts but as she walked every word was reappearing in her mind and nothing can stop her from walking nor thinking about every possibility. Jaime's leave did not give any reason to make her uneasy and paranoid. She has handled every situation and always knew a threat would come into her way. Most of the time it did but this time, she felt like she could not bear it on her own.  _Damn him._ She clenched her hands in front of her and stopped. She raised her head to look for an answer from the gods or something else. Her eyes drifted to the small window on top of the cellar's wall.  _I will die here._ The thought was not so hard to think or accept. She could accept anything if it felt real and true. She could die here if it will assure the return of Lady Catelyn's daughters to Winterfell. Her only hope is Jaime for now, _until she dies. My oaths, my vows, my words and my honor, they are all his now. Everything I live for I gave my last vow to him. Not sure if he can keep it. Not cause he is untrustworthy or he is the Kingslayer but as If the promise seems unable to be kept. It feels like an endless vow that can end a human's life. But he is a knight. He can do this. He has the heart and the wit. The only thing is his hand and-_

Her eyelids felt heavy before she realized that she was laying on the floor and thinking about Ser Jaime Lannister like a highborn maiden would think of a knight. 

 

She has been waken up in the worst possible way. Someone kicked her on the shoulder and spitted next to her head. She couldn't move at first out of shock but when she recognized the boots she felt ill.  _Maybe the pie made my stomach turn up and down._

"You dumb bitch, get up! We have a lot to do today." Locke said laughing. Brienne tried to hold her insides and slowly gained her power to stand up but Locke couldn't wait and kicked her on her stomach and she barely held herself not to present herself more miserable and vulnerable. She held it in and put her hand on her stomach as if it didn't hurt her. Her belly raised and she inhaled deeply, couldn't hide the pain. She was starving and she was sure she would not last long enough to see the week's end. At the dinner she did not have any appetite so she just ate bread even the meat should be her preferable choice to not lose any muscle - _if it still remained_ -. Her fists sat on the stone floor and Locke couldn't bear to watch her struggle any more and held her from the back her collar. Her breasts hurt and she heard some of the stitches broke apart the part under her armpit ripped. Then she raised and wanted to punch the man on the face but first, he was hardly a man and secondly, she needed to hold her energy to fight back any other threat of rape. The thought caught her breath and her head went straight to Jaime. She shook her head and then she felt Locke's hand on her locks and then at the end of her hair follicles. He grabbed a handful of her very short hair she briefly cut months ago for the tournament to stand proud and clean as she defeated the last champion in front of her king Renly's eye. She shook her head much more violently this time but Locke was still holding onto her scalp as if he was born with her head in his hand. The thought irritated her and she shook her head one last time not minding the pain she felt on her scalp. Also she was very sure that some of her hair were gone too. 

Aye! There, there. Look what I've got." he showed her hair and then blew them to her face with an ugly laughter. Then he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to himself. She was barely there by soul and she did not do anything. Cause the acceptance of death was certain. She decided, even if she did not die today, she will be dead when the dawn will break for the next day. Because she was going to kill herself. This was not the first time she thought about suicide and hurting herself. At the past she would knock her face on a stone and no one would say anything more than before. She was ugly and being much more uglier than before did not hurt. At least not the thought of it. A very tiny fire in her belly appeared.  _No._ She wished it to go away.  _Not now. Not when I need the death the most._ She shut her eyes and clenched her fists again.  _I may regret this but-_ Locke's hand went up to check if she did have any breast but before reaching she knocked him down with her elbow and a back kick to his groin. 

"You ugly bitch! Mother fuckin' beast! What have you done? Ughh-" Then she did what she though about when she saw him the first time. She went next to him and looked at him from above. She sucked her cheeks and then spat on his face. His face fired and he held her from her ankle and pulled her harsh. She stumbled down and hit her head on the floor. She shut her eyes in pain and tried to get up but she felt him on her. 

"Enough of your games ugly wench." he snickered and pinned her down from her elbows and legs. He looked at her hungry and at that moment her heart stopped racing with adrenaline. Now she felt terrified. No, she was really afraid of this ugly man taking her from herself. She could not lose herself. That was the only thing she was proud of -not including her appearance of course-. She tried to raise her legs and arms but he was already pointing a knife right next to her heart. Then it got lower. The knife traced the pattern where stitches were. When it stopped on her crotch he lifted her skirt and then she felt the cold knife's tip on her genital. Her breath hitched. He looked at her tauntingly.  _God no!_ she told herself and felt the tears already beaming out of her eyes.  _Stop! Stop crying. You are not weak or a victim. You are Evenstar's only child. You belong to Tarth and after all of this your father will come and hang these_ _people-_

"First the hair, next the cunt." he hissed in pleasure. Her chin wobbled and tried to stop herself falling apart under someone like this. Her eyes shut in reflex not to embarrass herself anymore. The last drop left her eyes and her chin rested. Then she stopped the urge to cry out. 

"Do it." she said steadily. His head tilted as if he heard wrong. 

"You want me to fuck you? Right here and right now?" He asked in curiosity but also with a strange lust even he himself found strange. She did not respond but turned her not to see his face at least. He lifted the skirt of her dress and took the knife to his other hand to continue threatening her while he'll finish himself inside her.  _Just do it already! Kill me._ She thought about the pain. The pain that will hurt her physically and emotionally. She will be hardly alive after this and also, she choose this without any options left.  _Wait! I can actually die. All I need to do is put my neck next to that knife._  

"I didn't know you wanted to get fucked so badly. But I can't blame you though." he said while fastening his belt and letting his right arm out of his coat. 

"After this, you will want more." He said amusingly.  _Yes I will want to die more._ She said thinking about the previous suicidal thought. But it was barely realistic for her to cut her throat by herself without stopping herself. Human bodies are not designed to physically kill themselves and not feel any pain.  _Unless you are already dead inside._ She kept repeating that she is dead that she could actually kill herself much more easily with that. But Locke kept reminding her that she was alive the whole time by touching her and talking to her. His cold and dirty hand squeezed the inside of her thigh and she could scream at that. She wanted to escape from her body like a coward. Then something clicked in her head. She looked at him in a way that may be interpreted as if she _wanted_ this. Then she opened her mouth and let the words do their work.

"You're taking too long." she said and it didn't stop at there. His hand lifted from her thigh and rested on her belly. She unsaw the touch he was giving to her belly. She would love that if it was someone she cared for that matter but it was tasting bitter in her mouth. 

"D-do you want  _me_ to do something?" she asked trying not to reveal her intentions. He tilted his head again as he did before when she told him to 'do it'. But she erased any thought of suspicion with the seductive look on her face. Then his mind raced to the only idea he had for a time. _She wanted him._ Unfortunately it was not true. When she bit her lower lip his cock twitched inside his still buttoned trousers. 

"I would rather fuck you on the mouth first. So get over here." he said and Brienne tried to do what she's been told to. He put the knife aside but still holding it. He freed her legs and arms. She did not move until he pulled her from her hair to align her with her cock. She was not minding the pain at the back of her skull. She placed her hands steadily next to his sides and she slowly unbuttoned his trousers. She did not know how or what to do but kept on doing what she thought was okay. Which was  _nothing_. Everything was falling apart since she met with that man.  _Why am I thinking about him at this absurd moment? Cause he is the source of my_ _misery right now and even he may have saved me from this shit of a man it still does not mean that I owe him anything. Or is it just I need him right now? For what? to save me?_ She tried to laugh inside but even the thought did not amused her even in an ironic way. Her soul may have left her body or not but she was going to hold on until he'll be dead by his own knife. 

when all of his buttons finished she looked up at him. 

"Oh right, you don't know how to do it?" she nodded as response. His hand took his cock out. She looked at it and tried to be seen as amazed by it. He smirked under his mustache and placed his cock in his palm with a clear vision of 'o' resembling the shape that her mouth will make. She hoped it will not come to that. 


End file.
